he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize