Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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