I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
