We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize