Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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