There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
