I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
