I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
