how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
