dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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