I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
