remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
