remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize