I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
