he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
