just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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