I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
