Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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