well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
