wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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