I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
