Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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