I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
