apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
