when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
