ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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