Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
