I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
