You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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