i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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