Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
