im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize