its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
