I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
