Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
