I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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