we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
