I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
