my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
