Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
