all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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