i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
