if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He better not be in your backpack
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize