I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
