He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
