please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize