glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
