I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
