guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
