Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
