margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
