Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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