I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
