I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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