You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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