I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
