rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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