the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
