standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
