I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
