i permit you to call me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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