just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
