I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
