she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
