I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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