I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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