Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
