it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
