there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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