I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
