'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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