yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
