Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
