tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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