she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
