he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
