I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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