She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize